I came across this article on CNN last night and wanted to post it as I really resonate with it…when I was struggling with Bulimia, one of the biggest things I did, is I focused on the smallest things. I NEVER SAW THE BIG PICTURE. Whether it be the bright side of my day…my life..and especially my body.

Every time I passed by a mirror I would lift up my shirt to see my abs. When I woke in the morning, that’s the first thing I touched! I was obsessed. I didn’t think about how fit I was overall, I focused on how unfit my abs felt (or fit) on a daily basis.

I think in general that’s what leads many of us who have a bit of OCD (overcompulsiveness) to going crazy…you focus on ONE thing instead of looking at the big picture.

Check out this cool article:

Body dysmorphic disorder patients see details, not whole face

By Elizabeth Landau, CNN

(CNN) — Some people check their appearance in any mirror, window or computer screen they can find, but not out of vanity. It’s because they hate the way they look so much.

An obsession with one or more bodily features, normally in the face, indicates a condition called body dysmorphic disorder. This mental illness, which leads some patients to seek multiple plastic surgeries, is not uncommon; 1 to 2 percent of the population is thought to have it. But most people who have the disorder don’t get a diagnosis; they just think they are ugly, said Dr. Jamie Feusner psychiatrist at the University of California, Los Angeles.

Some celebrities have BDD, but few have been public about it, Feusner said. He and colleagues have treated celebrities at UCLA, but cannot disclose which ones.

“Everyone else would consider them attractive — they don’t consider themselves attractive,” he said.

It turns out that people with this condition have abnormal brain function when it comes to looking at pictures of their own faces, according to a new study led by Feusner and published in the Archives of General Psychiatry. Read the rest here.

Stop focusing on the small stuff!

While this site IS about fitness…it is also about understanding what FITNESS MEANS.

It doesn’t mean skinny models, lean fitness competitors, or strong athletes.

It means a balance between your body, mind and spirit.

It means understanding the transferring of energy you ingest and energy your dispel.

It means knowing yourself through challenging your perceived physical limits.

It means finding who you are in the essence of developing your best physical self.

I am a recovering Bulimic. I will always be a recovering Bulimic. The word ‘fitness’ has continued to redefine itself many times over in my life. I recently received a heartfelt email from someone suffering from an eating disorder. In her letter, she quoted one of my most popular journal entries written last year:

“For years I suffered from an intimate disease that mentally, physically and spiritually drained me. It was a robotic even programmed act I performed 6-10 times a week for years. You lose yourself…you lose your ‘conscious’ self – for everything I was, and everything I ever stood for, no longer represented ‘me’ at that moment in time.

I honestly lost myself…I couldn’t hold down the tiniest morsel of food – I just wanted it ‘out’ of me because I felt so ‘empty’ – it’s this moment of truth when you realize that it doesn’t matter what you own, what you do, or what you look like…you could still ‘feel’ like you have nothing at all.

I am crying right now because I know how hard it is to look towards the future and be positive…to be in the present, and try not to let the shame of your past define you…

Today I value every small and big gift each day presents because I know how it feels like to die slowly -

Whenever you become passive and allow the world to define you – when you measure your personal value in the physical realm…you start to die…Living by made-up, human rules is no way to live. At that point, you don’t own you…negative ideas and fake images influences and direct your decisions, your actions and your worth and therefore, ‘it’ owns you….and you eventually become ‘lost’.” – Maria Kang

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While I will not share her email, I will share my response to her challenges….

Dear ________,

I will start adding you to my morning prayer. While I am saddened you are experiencing a very challenging disorder, I also know that you WILL overcome it, and you will BECOME stronger and wiser in this process.

God will never make a mountain we cannot climb.

In my struggle, I realized that there was a reason why I was chosen to battle this…for you have to look at an ED or any life adversity in that way. You have to OWN IT…

I regressed every weekend for 3 years! I realized I had a serious problem after 3 months…then when I was still having episodes 6 months later it became a bigger problem…after a year, it became a part of me…and the years after that I was living through a mental hell.

I never NOT thought about my problem in the years I battled it. It sticks with you. And it drains you.

My biggest advice is to pray. Pray for guidance and become more acquainted with your spiritual self. There is a deep rooted reason why you have a CONTROL issue. It is manifested in your actions today and sowed from emotional experiences of the past.

I suggest you work with someone you trust. Start appreciating food and the energy it gives you. Food is not good or bad…it is meant to nurture your body..allow your organs to function, your body to dance…food is medicine.

Take it one step at a time and know that through mentorship, through becoming a role model, through developing your spiritual center and your relationship with God…that you can and WILL overcome this.

“Don’t tell God how big your problems are, tell your problems how BIG God is.” okay….remember that.

Please stay in touch and God Bless you today.

Maria

What does fitness mean to you?

There is no real definition – no real physical manifestation of what ‘health’ looks like. We are all created uniquely different and only YOU know when you are happy and balanced in mind-body-spirit.